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Songs
1. And now for something completely similar
2. Take two placebos and call me lame
3. What's the matter with parents today
4. Dinosaurs will die
5. Thank God it's monday
6. Clams have feelings too (actually they don't)
7. Louise
8. Stranger than fishin
9. Pharmacist's daughter
10. Bottles to the ground
11. Total bummer
12. My Vagina
13. Herojuana
14. Theme from a NOFX album
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Lyrics
Take two placebos and call me lame
can't you see my soul worn on the record sleeve
it's goin' up for sale as soon as it gets saved
interrogation blues, once again I lose
you don't get to magnify my insecurities
you don't get to site and save my unhip-ocracies
not for sale
take two placebos then you can call me lame
walk some in my shoes then tell me to fuck off
my oversized hat won't fit your humongous head
i'll trade a hundred days for one inside of you, just take
take me to a cave, where I can't be seen
solace makes the heart, pump adrenaline,
I'm sick of being used, time and again betrayed
give a man a key he cannot not open the door
give him something free and he'll resell it to the poor
c'est la vie
take two placebos then you can call me lame
walk some in my shoes then tell me that I'm fucked
my humongous hat won't fit your gigantic head
What's the matter with parents today
mom and dad, how d' ya get so rad, when exactly did you get so hip
wearing teenage clothes you're always coming to my shows
and telling me that I should mellow out
it's absurd, you're singing every word
you're not supposed to like my band, thing I like you don't understand
so please put down that rum and coke, that's no behavior for old folk
can't we just hang out on holidays
dad and mom, what planet are you from
and what convinced you to pack up and leave
doin drugs and asking me for hugs, what's the matter with parents today
not again, when will it end
dads dressing like motley crue and why is moms hair dyed bright blue
they're staying out till 2 or 3 and then having sex publicly
I thought the apple fell far from the tree
mom and dad I think you ought, to quit smoking so much pot
and hanging with my friends
laying round on the couch with my misfits records out
softly bangin your heads
maybe it's just a passing phase
what's the matter with my parents these days
Dinosaurs will die
sit back watch it crumble, see the drowing watch the fall
I feel just terrible about it, that's sarcasm, let it burn
I'm gonna make a toast when it falls apart
I'm gonna raise my glass above my heart
then someone shouts that's what they get
for the years of hit and run for all the piss broke bands on VH1
where did all their money go, don't we all know
parasitic music industry as it destroys itself
we'll show them how it's supposed to be
music written from devotion not ambition not for fame
zero people are exploited there are no tricks up our sleeve
we're gonna fight against the mass appeal
we're gonna kill the seven record deal make records
that have more than one good song the dinosaurs will slowly
die and I do believe no one will cry I'm just fucking
glad I'm gonna be there to watch it fall prehistoric music
industry three feet in la brea tar extinction never felt so good
if you think anyone will feel badly you are sadly mistaken
the time has come for evolution fuck collusion kill the five
whatever happened to the handshake whatever happened to
deals no one would break whatever happened to integrity
it's still there it always was for playing music just because
a million reasons why all dinosaurs must die
Thank God it's monday
I'm gonna tell you what I really think I like about mondays
cause they feel like saturdays
when you don't gotta go to work, everyday is a holiday
I wake up when I want to, do anything I wanna do
can't wait for tuesday
I really don't like fridays, I can't do what I wanna do
sold out at the movies, can't eat at the restaurant
everyone wants to party but the bar's full of cigarette smoke
I think I'll stay home I hink I'll wait for monday
I live a 5 day weekend I gotta year long holiday
thank god it's monday
the only place I gotta be is at the show or on the first tee
thank god for irony
nevermind aggravation, just gimme modulation, gimme another key
I'll tell you why I like tuesdays, cause they're kinda like christmas
come to think about wednesdays are a little like hannakah
thursdays thanksgiving I'm talking about good living�
I think I'll give thanks, thank god it's monday
Clams have feelings too! (actually they don't)
Birds are dumb cause small bird brains
but so are kids and old people
some birds talk most others sing
I don't see you eating a talking bird
pigs smell bad and roll in pooh
but so do kids and elderly
I don't see you chop off an old man's feet
put them in a mason jar and pickle them
no chowder for you cause clams have feelings too
actually they don't have central nervousness
no manhatten style clams have the right to smile
come to think about it they don't have a face
they have no face no place for ears
there's no clam eyes to cry clam tears
no spinal cord they just get bored
might as well just put them out of misery
although the world could be less selfish
I guess it's alright to eat shelfish
no chowder for you clams have feelings too
it could happen to you clams have feelings too
I don't think they do clams have feeling too
Louise
She gotta silicone cock
Sticking in her ass and one in her cunt.
A butterfly vibrator strapped tight to her clit,
But who's got the remote control?
That would belong to Louise
She's got a new pet, a real vaginal tease.
You know that mommy's little girl is not gonna do as she please
If she don't want to get a spankin'.
She likes to speak like a six year old brat
Mommy discipline me cause you know I've been bad.
Start with a cat then she'll move to a crop
Neither one is willing to stop.
She knows that girls just wanna have fun
With four piercings on each side of her labia,
A little luggage lock connecting each one
Prevents her girl from goin astray.
Slut you think you've seen your master mean
You better lick my puss and asshole clean.
Treat my clit like bubblegum,
Bitch make me come.
It's time for bed she'll secure her head,
Between her thights for a thorough night suck,
Along with this she'll be drinking her piss
So Louise don't have to get up.
Two goddesses in love,
One resides below, one reigns from above.
One adorns cuffs while one covets keys,
The purgatorial touch of Louise.
Stranger than fishin
got a no string guitar, got a sunn beta head
I'm a rock n roll star
I ain't no musician some things are stranger than fishin
got a beat on a drum, know how to sing outta key
got some illegal drugs
I ain't no musician some things are stranger than fishin
I no what I am, weigh out another gram
some of us have all the luck no matter how much we fuckin suck
Pharmacist's daughter
give her a call for demorol and amal nitrate
I tell her dad don't worry sir we won't stay out late
I'm in love with her the pharmacist's daughter
she's got my love I get her drugs
waking up in the afternoon can't wait to see her
bringin in some colonopin I'm huffin ether
she's the one for me without personality
I still want to see her every day
we got a date and I can't wait to see my baby
if I wine and dine her she just might sedate me
she's so beautiful she keeps my prescriptions full
she's got my love I get her drugs
Bottles to the ground
you know it when it's over doors are closing
feel the sober starring at you
you know you better take one last good look
one more round then it's bottles to the ground
smashing of the glass what a supersonic sound
you gotta pull the plug when it's time to die
whoa whoa whoa whoa bottles to the ground
there's a suitcase on the sidewalk
there's some records in a milkcrate
she'll be staying you'll be throwing whiskey
over one lip
one more round then it's bottles to the ground
smashing of the glass what a perfect imperfect sound
you gotta pay the piper when the rats are gone
whoa whoa whoa whoa bottles to the ground
Total bummer
go away sunny day
all the horny people sitting in front of their TV
and thinking what is wrong with me I'm not a monster
why won't anybody fuck me
I don't wanna live life lonely
why does everyone have to be perfect
go away sunny day
all the barflys slipping whiskey
fighting ever present pity
wondering what they keep sucking back for
is it the drink or trepidation watching all
trains leave the station left standing alone
without a ticket
go away sunny day
stop searching cause there's no answer
just a long line of disaster
there's no simple way to stop the sadness
life's not fair I'm glad it's not
this isn't heaven just a lonely planet on the
verge of self destruction
My vagina
my vagina has two sets of lips, but I don't
get monthly blood drips, my vagina hardly even used
my vagina's got lots of extra skin they took my
outtie and made it an in turning Donnie into Marie Osmand
operation successfull, but now I gotta pee through a
miniture hole, gotta remember to put the seat down
and when I wipe my ass I go from
front to back so I don't get a bladder infection
I never thought I'd miss my vas deferans
I trade it in for a pare of huge cans
now I got to hang with lesbians
operation paid up front now I show all
my friends my new designer cunt
they think I'm kinda weird, but that's
ok with me cause now I kick their ass
playing from the ladies tee
there's nothing finer than having a vagina
Herojuana
light the match burn the flour
leave behind all the wrong
why ese sad
when happinness can be bought
for a little more than free
modern day prohabition
are we man are we children
at what age can I choose how to live
the only real drug problem is scoring real good drugs
haven't we learned are lesson
the corner stores sells finer scotch
but who's got uncut pouder
we just want what is ours
if god created plants and buds
that I find an abuse
than who the fuck are you to judge me??
Theme from a NOFX album
We're professional punkers we come from the suburbs
after 15 years we're still having fun
now we're over 30 not looking so purty at least we got a beat up accordian
That's Erik our drummer his father's a plumber
he drank enough booze to get Rhode Island drunk
now he's straight but still smelly he's got one big belly
from livin' the good life provided by punk
singin' singin' singin'
buy me a becks beer or pass me a bong
gimme some bushmills i'll sing you this song
open another big box of cheap wine we're over 30 we're doin just fine
El Hefe is not satanic he's one hip hispanic
he grew up with one dozen cousins and kin
he wears baggy pants he knows how to breakdance
you've seen him do every impersonation
That's Melvin on six string some tell me i can't sing
oh i think you can just don't do it round me
stick with what you know
playing guitar solo with Hetson and Watt in punkrock karaoke
singin' singin' singin'
buy me a becks beer or pass me a bong
gimme some bushmills i'll sing you this song
open another big box of cheap wine we're over 30 we're doin just fine
My name is Fat Mike i'm obsessed with big lesbians
i've been a punkrocker for most of my life
i sing kinda flat i'm not really so fat
but that's how i hit them with hook or a slice
I'm Kent i do sound look he's getting so round
I'm Timmy the turtle he counts as he clicks
I'm Jay i don't care someone please out his hair
I'm Limo from Scotland so give me haggis
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